me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
