Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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