Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
