the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize