Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
