Where is the hickey?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
