It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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