all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
