I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
