I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
