im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
