note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
