There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
