i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
