Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
