Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
