apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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