no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
