I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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