Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
