My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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