You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
