So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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