Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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