my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
