if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
