I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
