I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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