is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Terrible idea I love it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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