I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize