At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
