I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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