areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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