you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
