made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
