Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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