This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
