Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize