I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
