I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
