I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
