I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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