The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
