You're my little dorito
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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