I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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