I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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