I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she woke up with a sticky ear
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
