If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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