Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Non-Jews are for practice
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
