moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
