Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
