I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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