I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
