you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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