He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
