So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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