Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
