"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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