Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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