This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
