Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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