I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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