five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
