make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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