I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bring me that man meat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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