I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
