he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize