I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
