how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
