This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize